everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
