I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
