You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
