Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
