is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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