just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
