pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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