I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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