are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How's work?
Spinning.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
