I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
