He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
As shirtless as possible
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
