so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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