How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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