My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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