tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You are a genius and a whore.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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