dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
