Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sex in a hospital.. check
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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