i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
ugly people sure do ruin things
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
