You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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