i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize