i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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