so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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