Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I came so hard my ears popped.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
