my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
