I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
