He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just google imaged poop.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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