It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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