He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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