My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
