I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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