Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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