No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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