Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I supernannyed him into submission
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
