It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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