it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he quoted the bible to break up with me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
