My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
