The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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