She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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