i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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