i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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