i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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