I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
