I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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