we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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