I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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