I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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