The police scanner is talking about you again....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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