so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
