Kiss
Puke
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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