4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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