he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
