Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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