Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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