I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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