he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
