I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
