I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
