I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
