The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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