had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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