I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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