i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
