I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
