We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
