Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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